The Pack Survives

Hello again,

I am currently on a plane headed to San Francisco, California for a weekend of games at Fresno State University. I decided not to share this post onto my personal social media accounts because the situation being discussed is a personal thought rather than general wisdom and encouragement. I have also found that I don’t necessarily like the recognition I got from my first two blog posts. It was a lot to handle and, in the end, distracting from what I need to accomplish week in and week out for my teammates and for myself. Obviously, some damage is done because I can’t hide the link to my page from the world but I am not going to advertise it like I had been doing up until now.

My team and I had a lot in common last week. We heated up as the weekend went on. Our opening game against Valparaiso was the most mental I had been since 14u ASA states. It was just after the semi final game against Lakeshore Lightning. I had pitched that game and we barely came out with a victory. I was not myself. The pressure of having to be on my A game every single inning was really getting to me. One of my biggest strengths and flaws is how hard I am on myself and I couldn’t accept that I was struggling to perform as something that could happen to me. Anyways, my mom could see it all over my face that I was not okay and not having any amount of fun whatsoever. The game I loved had become a chore to me because I forgot how to have fun with it. I was so concerned with being the best. With being perfect. That being said, she took me into this huge indoor facility right next to the field we were playing at in Laurel, MD. There was a gymnastic tournament going on. My mom took me into the locker room where all of these insanely talented female athletes were getting ready. Makeup and hair styled to perfection. And then there is me, hair a mess, tears running down my face, and dirt all over my uniform from the game I had just finished playing. It’s hilarious to look back on now but boy was this an embarrassing moment in the life of Madie Aughinbaugh. My mom turns on one of the showers in the locker room and holds my uniform while I sit there, under the hot water trying to get my shit together. She got me to stop taking myself so seriously and to just have fun with the game again. Thank you, Dana.

 Fast forward eight or so years and I felt like I was back in that moment last Friday against Valparaiso. I let the pressure of the standard people have, and what I expect of myself,         get to me. I was trying to do everything all at once and not trusting in my teammates to get the job done right alongside me. Putting all that weight on my shoulders to be the level of good that people expected and be the leader I want to be for my team left me at the opposite end of the goal I had set in place. Thankfully, once again, I had another strong female, my head coach, to help me pull my shit together and stop taking myself so seriously. In between games I had my mental breakdown and she helped me get through it. My mental weekend was cut short to a mental game. The reason I chose to write about that this week is so I have the mental reminder, when I need to look back, that no one succeeds on their own. “The lone wolf dies in the bleak, dark winter but the pack survives”.

“The pack survives” ties into the team struggle we faced this weekend as well. Fordham softball is known for being gritty and team oriented. We have one of the best dynamics I have ever witnessed in all of my years of sports. And, based off of other friends and siblings’ experiences, it seems to be an overarching fact that Fordham softball emulates one of the best atmospheres for success an athlete can find. We are a team through and through. We do it for each other and that is what makes us so good. And that quality lacked this weekend. We had teammates that were stuck in their woes, teammates yelling at one another, and overall a lack of accountability. Three one-run losses that could have favored our way if we had figured out how to come together through personal failure in order to find team success. Thankfully, we began to do that on Sunday and we came out with a dub. As a captain, I had trouble figuring out how to deal with this situation. How do you tell someone to be better mentally when they are struggling so much physically? It’s like walking on eggshells because you mean well but one wrong word and you’ve completely devastated their confidence. Angry Augie came out and, while my words rang true, I could’ve gone about it in a better way. It was a solid temporary fix. And, now, I am working on the long-term fix and how to help lead my team back into pack mentality. I think we are 95% there and once we get the last 5%, the world ain’t ready. That is all the Augie tea we have for today. Until next time.